Archive for the 'tweety' Category
4th August last year I lost a very nice friend of mine Tweety. I could see something coming but never thought of it to be so bad. I tried making things better but I never got a last chance. I wanted to go and meet her on friendship day with the greeting card I made my self for her, but just a day before then that she decided to end our friendship.
May be things would have been very different if I would have been able to tell her, all that matter is a good friend like you and for any reason I don’t want to loose her. I remember my childhood when I always used to argue with my parents about destiny and fortune, but with time I have learned that there are things which you have to just let go and do nothing about it while just looking at them passing by hoping things to get better.
I truly feel the sense of happiness and joy when ever I try to recall the moments of immense and true friendship spent with her. I do remember sitting by the stairs in balcony when electricity would go away, talking, sharing our experiences, moments of joy and sorrow. After all that is what friendship is all about. May be it was foolish of me to want more out of our friendship, I guess that was because I never had such a nice friend ever before.
I really don’t know if it was hard just for me or if it was even more harder for her to go across all this because I don’t know color of "The grass on other side". Now all I have out of our lost friendship is memories and at times they make me feel happy but sad as well. Life is about moving on and I have learned this lesson in last one whole year. The more I tried to keep our friendship a part of my life even when it dint exist hoping that it is just lost somewhere and I may find it again one day, things kept on getting even more harder for me. The only reason for all this was that I couldn’t agree on a picture being shown to me by others and somewhere I always believed that the reality is lot different from that.
I sent her an e-card last year and even celebrated her birthday with my office colleagues. Doing all this made me feel an existence of our no more existing relationship. When I went to the place where she belongs to I visited places where we spent time together and I took pictures of them. Yes I know it was a good way of making myself happy but for how long, so from now on I am going to be stopping all this, this is not just because of that I am tired of being acting like may be things will get better some day but the way things have been coming up, I really think that continuing further like this may lead to hurting my own emotions and wasting my feelings. There are better deserving people, not that she is not one of them but now I don’t know if she wants it anymore and I really wish to move on in life. I don’t expect it but I will never believe that our friendship was so weak to get shattered so easily unless I hear it from her what went wrong?
In the end a very very Happy Birthday to Tweety who was really a very good friend of mine and may God bless her.
A major turn came in my life after I recently developed addiction for smoking. So I need to explain it in a bit more detail, so I thought of posting about it in parts and make it a series.
The first part explains about my point of view towards smoking and smokers before I started smoking.
No one in my family had ever smoked at least since I am seeing them around. It was quite obvious to develop a taboo image about smoking habits based on the family environment. When I was a kid my father used to tell me that when he was a kid and when he asked his dad for a beedi (tobacco rolled in a tobacco leaf, a kind of cigarette) how his dad beat him for that.
With the time I started to learn more about bad effects of smoking and developed even more clear picture about smoking in my mind. More over than just this, smoking seemed to me like a “slow suicide”, committing a suicide is considered as crime in law but this slow suicide is not. Well precisely slow killing is supposed to be a crime but then smoking is an exception.
I guess now it must would have got a bit clear, how much I used to hate smoking.
When I was in 10th standard one of my friend tried making me smoke and told me, one should try everything in his life, at least once. It made quite a sense to me but I was scared of pain in throat I might feel for the first time after smoking. So he told me to just take the smoke in my mouth and release it. I did that, well there was nothing great about it as I wasn’t taking any smoke inside. He asked me to try taking it inside but I refused. Later may be after several weeks I took one cigarette once again but dint take any smoke inside again, so I couldn’t find any fun in doing that so never tried it again. Even being the fact how much I hated smoking the only and the only reason for trying smoking were his words that one should try everything at least once in life.
That was then but now I know that there is no point trying something just for the sake, that others are doing it too.
As far as smokers are concerned, if I was traveling in a three wheeler (a major mode of public commute in Delhi) and if the driver would start smoking then I would ask him throw it away or else I would get down. And not just that I would at least ask the driver a few things like if he is married, if he has any kids and finally tell him to quit smoking. I did used to get very strange response from them but it really dint matter to me anyways.
While in social circle I never used to mind turning my face on other side, taking a step away and sometimes even go away if a person with me would start smoking. I think the reason for this was the mental block I developed within myself about passive smoking and may be the disliking for smoking was getting turned into disliking for smokers as well.
I still remember the evening when I was traveling in a bus and passing by my first company I ever worked with, I saw a very old friend of mine standing in front of the office and in some time I noticed her holding a cigarette burning in her hand and then in a few seconds smoking from it. At first I was shocked and then in next few minutes I changed my point of view for her from a sweet, decent, friendly girl to a BLANK PAGE, I dint know what should I think about it, I never ever thought I would see her like that. We were childhood friends and I had the same impression of the same old friend I had years ago as after we moved to a new house we never met each other again.
The questions that came into my mind was, can anyone get changed so much over a period of time and under any circumstances.
One day I was with a friend of mine sitting at Basant Lok Complex (One of the most high class hang out places in Delhi) out side “Passion My Cup of Tea”, sipping our tea and just opposite to it there is a disco called RPM. There were several girls coming out of the disc and several of them going inside. Most of the girls we could see there were smoking. I asked my friend that what do these girls get out of smoking, then she replied, most of them are not even smoking, if you see carefully then they don’t inhale any smoke and just throw it away as soon as they take it in there mouth.
After that I noticed those girls and I was surprised to see what she said was absolutely correct. Now it was quite clear that its not just the addiction of smoking but addiction for looking cool and addiction for looking part of high class that is adding to the numbers or smoking addicts every day. In fact I guess that the most biggest reason for teenagers getting addicted to smoking is that they find other teenagers who smoke very COOL and tries to become like them!!
Note: I wanted to add few pictures but I am not adding them due to the fact that this page may be accessed by non smokers and in any way I don’t want to promote smoking.
This post is tagged based on the tags for entire series, so few tags may not be relevant for this post.
Just expressing what you feel can even bring the tower of trust and intense relationship down, is what I have experienced from my recent relationship with my best friend. Really cannot comment on what the scenario was or whose mistake was it but the important thing is that outcome of this chaos have taken me down from what I really was to what I am really not.
Sometimes things changes so drastically that you just cannot control anything and what becomes more relevant is to save the things you love and cannot afford to loose.
Cyclone hits in a fraction of second and leave marks behind that no one knows will last for how long. Similar is what happened with me. Unknown from the danger of cyclone approaching I was trying to make things better at my own pace and further make things clear between us, I thought of saying that being together is what matters and nothing else on friendship day, I made a card by my self of 22 inches by 15.5 inches in size and planned to give her but on friendship day itself the cyclone hit as I heard there is nothing more to be heard or said.
Even today I have the card with me but really don’t know what to do with. Things are really no more the way they were I faced a huge damage in my career and mental state. There were times when I had to approach psychologists to seek help but in the end its only you who can make the difference and no body else. Now my way of looking at others has changed, a shrill feeling always travel through my nerves. Without raising question of who was wrong or who was right as that is what doesn’t matter, all I can say is “I am being punished for being what I am“.
While in Kanpur, I used to have several discussions with Tweety and I used to try my best to quote as many and good examples. So that I could make my self as clear as I was to my self.
One of such examples I used while explaining her something is below.
Example: When we try to paint with water colors on chart paper we usually face a problem. If we try to use two different colors very close to each other then they mixes and creates a new shade. Like if you try to make a painting of a mountain with sunset then you will have to make a mountain and use green color to show grass and yellow color to make sun. Both colors will mix while painting and creates a new shade orange at the point they will mix with each other.
Problem: In our day to day life we face several problems and try to solve them by following one procedure or another. Here procedures mean a mix of mental and emotional work that results a response against a situation. While handling different problems there is a need to have a different or fresh set of procedures or a mix of thoughts and emotions.
Relation between example, problem and solution: Our emotions can be better understood with the example quoted above. As different emotions are mixed without any relation with each other then they creates different shades under different circumstances. In the example another thing that is clear is that if we use the same brush without cleanup then the real color can not be drawn on the chart, in the same way it is required to have different set of emotions and thought process for every problem that does not have relation with any other problem. Otherwise a non bias reaction or response cannot be given. That will not be fair for the people involved. Hence the solution for the problem will be invalid.
I call my very best friend as Tweety as she is as cute and as beautiful like a Tweety. For some reasons she was feeling nervous and down on 5th July 2006. She was in Kanpur and I being in Delhi, there was nothing much I could do. So I send her a SMS that said:
Tweety Tweety little star,
how I wonder what you are,
up above the world so high,
like a Tweety in the sky.
I am quite sure this would have bought a smile on her face 
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